what's in a name

I was given a gender-neutral name because a fortune teller had told my parents that I would become famous; and what better name for a 여사[女史]?

But I realized today that the fortune teller probably failed to mention a minor detail: that when a 여사 keeps her maiden last name, it usually means that she's alone -- single, unmarried, divorced, etc.

What am I saying? It just dawned on me recently that I may never get married or meet someone. This does not mean I'm being pessimistic; I'm sure I will encounter various people but it does not mean that they'll stick around. In fact, I'm not so sure if marriage is part of "the plan."

I doubt that I'll become famous but that fortune teller is right about me as a 여사. I just hope that I'll adjust better to this lifestyle. Deep down, inside, I know I will. I've seen one myself to know that I'll be ok. I think she was in my life to assure me that I have little to be afraid; she has fared well and will continue to.

Surprisingly, she told me once that I should never follow her path, and discouraged me to attempt her lifestyle. But I think she tried so hard dissuading me because she knew I would face, if not the same, a similar fate. Not because I didn't exhaust all options, it's just that maybe it wasn't -- and I hate to say this because I believe in choices -- my purpose.

I just think it'd be easier on me if I just let go of that fantasy -- finding that wonderful someone. And learn, rather to become that independent individual, living up to her name.