defeated

I like watching figure skaters in competition; it reminds me of a school setting. Everyone's there to get a medal or good grades but it ain't easy. Either we get in our own way or we ain't just good enough for the gold. But, watching the competition reminds me that we all have potential; it's fair game.

The judges groan in disappointment when their darling skater fails to make that jump she needs. And she will have to face the consequences. We all respond and react differently but Kimmie Meissner watched stoically as Miki Ando claimed the gold. Sometimes I was Ando and most of the time, I was in Meissner's shoes. Sometimes I'd scream in exasperation and sometimes it'd be like an out-of-body experience, watching things happening around me. I doubt that Meissner was happy for Ando; she probably felt defeated.

I think the best way to approach the haze and confusion is to accept that humans just use and get used. There was something in it for me to do things that'd ultimately hurt me. I hope I can cut myself off; I hope I can be strong.