the flow

and on the 9th day, i bled. but i can't remember the one in december.

tears

it's ok to cry; sometimes you just need a release.

what's in a name

I was given a gender-neutral name because a fortune teller had told my parents that I would become famous; and what better name for a 여사[女史]?

But I realized today that the fortune teller probably failed to mention a minor detail: that when a 여사 keeps her maiden last name, it usually means that she's alone -- single, unmarried, divorced, etc.

What am I saying? It just dawned on me recently that I may never get married or meet someone. This does not mean I'm being pessimistic; I'm sure I will encounter various people but it does not mean that they'll stick around. In fact, I'm not so sure if marriage is part of "the plan."

I doubt that I'll become famous but that fortune teller is right about me as a 여사. I just hope that I'll adjust better to this lifestyle. Deep down, inside, I know I will. I've seen one myself to know that I'll be ok. I think she was in my life to assure me that I have little to be afraid; she has fared well and will continue to.

Surprisingly, she told me once that I should never follow her path, and discouraged me to attempt her lifestyle. But I think she tried so hard dissuading me because she knew I would face, if not the same, a similar fate. Not because I didn't exhaust all options, it's just that maybe it wasn't -- and I hate to say this because I believe in choices -- my purpose.

I just think it'd be easier on me if I just let go of that fantasy -- finding that wonderful someone. And learn, rather to become that independent individual, living up to her name.

the acceptance of risk

I've kind of said this about Yul, and I've said similar things before, but to me, one of the things that makes a good Survivor player is acceptance of risk, in the sense that you can't constantly play as if you can definitely avoid losing. It's sort of what Probst means about big moves, but it isn't always flashy moves. It's exactly the playing of probabilities, and this group did it really well. Think about that time on Palau where Tom and Ian were willing to draw rocks if they needed to in order to boot Gregg before he came after them. The acceptance of that risk made it possible for them to avoid disaster. If you aren't willing to risk anything, you don't have any cards to play, really. By approaching Jonathan to flip and revealing that he had the idol, Yul risked having Jonathan tell Raro that he had it, which wasn't what he wanted at all at that moment. Bad players are frozen by that knowledge, and they remain inactive as if inactivity carries no risk, when in fact, it carries enormous risk. You have to be good at weighing the risk of doing something against the risk of doing nothing, and most people are only good at weighing the risks of doing various things, and if all those risks are identifiable, then they don't do anything.

to all you crazy muthas out there...

mommy dearest is a bitch
mommy dearest will never quit
mommy dearest ain't really mommy.

enough!

I've had it with NFs (i.e. jeanie and haepee); it's high time I find me some people who like to keep in touch regularly, are on time, and really value and appreciate me. Ya know, I don't mind just curling up with a book on New Year's Eve. I'm just so sick 'n tired of people being so indecisive and that it takes too much cajoling to get 'em to do something.

smirnoff tea partay lyrics

Update 2 -- Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Corrections in orange cuz Candy Day is upon us.
Updated -- Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Thanks to an anonymous tipper 2 comments, the corrections are made in green -- the old money way -- and in bold; again, the old money way. See below for his/her comments.

p(rep)-unit forever
p(rep)-unit

p(rep)-unit!
what's up fellas?
yo yo, where my WASPs at?
M.V. -- martha's vineyard!
holla back!

tell buffy to chirp me
sip sip!

yo, straight outta cape cod
we're keeping it real
we're gonna have a party -- makes the ladies squeal

we're gonna turn it out with our parents' riches
we'll serve smirnoff raw tea and finger sandwiches

we keeps it real
by real, we mean rich
from new hampshire to vermont
from the maine main line to greenwich

cause no one's harder than a new england gangster
we drink raw tea on the south wing veranda

let's have a tea partay
high tea in the parlor makes the ladies holler
let's have a tea partay
smirnoff raw tea: lemond, peach, and raspberry

we sail yachts and we ride on horses
every meal we eat comes with multiple courses

when it's time to party, we have a tea party
and we keeps it real -- the old money way

haters hates haters like to counter clown our ivy league educations
but they're just jealous
cuz our families fathers run the nations

yo, where's the love at the tea partay?
but if you're gonna show up, send an rsvp our way

haters!
holla back!

let's have a tea partay
high tea in the parlor makes the ladies holler
let's have a tea partay
smirnoff raw tea: lemond, peach, and raspberry

we play croquet and we go rollerbladin'
here's to the homies on lock for insider trading

it's a tea partay from maine to amagansett
we might be vanilla but our lab(rador)s are chocolate

we're chilling from our heads
and white tennis visors
right down to our toes
in a pair of top-siders

so now it's time to break
but please will you promote smirnoff raw tea parties
and we'll send you a thank-you note
in cursive

tea partay
tea partay
tea partay
let's have a tea partay

please drink responsibly
and visit teapartay.com
playa!