what was that all about?

I wasn't sure what I was going to say. But as soon as I saw him, I knew it was over. Instead of words, tears started to stream out. An overwhelming sadness was about to drown me and it got worse when I turned to see his face. I may not have realized at that moment but unconsciouly I knew and he definitely knew that I was going to be a weight in his life, eventually a resentment because he can never be the person I want. At the moment, I thought it was a beautiful sadness. Now, I'm not too sure. Maybe it was but all I feel now is anger, restlessness, and betrayral. I'm so mad with myself for... No, I don't regret anything. I enjoyed every moment I had with him but this sucks. This feeling of rejection, whether it's good for me in the long run. Nobody wants to be rejected for any reason.

But I will keep my distance because I'm not helping him or myself. I need to get over him ASAP and if I can, be a good friend to him so he can in return, do the same; he owes me. He owes me friendship cuz he could not be who I had in mind. He should be sorry that he didn't know better; he's going to realize later on, "What the hell was I thinking? I was so immature!" He's going to realize that his day-to-day outlook hurt someone nice, whether intentionally or unintentionally; that his selfishness tainted the beautiful butterfly he met.

She will fly again but she's screaming blood and murder during the recovery. She hates recoveries.

like, riding a bike again – sorta.

Well, it’s not like we’re 10 years apart. But he is indeed the youngest by far. He didn’t come on too strong but he’d feel my hands a lot, try to put his arm around my waist, etc. The good news is he didn’t try to kiss me – yet. I don’t know; Maybe I was too optimistic but I was hoping we’d be friends and hang out. I don’t think he’s interested in that.

Dear God, I know I wanted sex but I'm not too sure I want it with him. He is cute but he doesn't make me feel younger. He stares at me quite intensely and it makes me even more cautious of how to behave around him. I'm not sure if this is such a good idea, even for a fling. Shit, it shouldn't be so complicated if I just want fun. But it looks like I'm starting to warm up to him; I felt an electrifying jolt when he kissed my hand. And he is so interesting, probably more mature than all the dicks I've had.

I don't know, dunno.

But:
Real men want women of any age who like them, who want to make them feel good and who raise their testosterone level.
If this is true, I should just let go of my inhibitions and see it through.