jae's a good thing

It's so easy to get self-absorbed and lost in your own "problems." When Jae expressed his anxiety and obsession about a new girl he came across Facebook, listening to the giddy boy mitigated my loneliness; he was asking me everything from what the next step would be, etc. I don't think I need to date again as much as surrounding myself with people. I think the lack of human contact exacerbated the situation; the social tank was apparently empty. Of course, one can feel so alone even though she's surrounded by a mass of people, but I think what made it different was the person -- someone I care about or someone who cares about me. It's good to have a sibling like him.

lost and found...

in my backpack! Oh, I love you my sweet, sweet yellow mechanical pencil! We're never, ever gonna be apart again (until I find no use for you anymore)! Oh, how I missed you so! Of course, I've put your sibling away, back in the ugly assorted colors box. Now, let's go make academic love!

happy, happy, joy, joy!

It's not official yet but looks like-- I'm in! It feels kinda weird cuz I thought I had to jump through more hoops. One more chat with another big cheese and it looks like in January I'll be studying my ass off. I'm happy and looking forward to transplant my ass in Wayne.

doing the happy dance

Thanks to AOL's persistent efforts to help the average e-mailer, I was able to track down the bastard. He got her knocked up and was sucked into marrying her too. She writes all this crap about how things happen for a reason and I'm just laughing my ass off at the lies she feeds herself to maintain her sanity. Hey bitch, things do happen for a reason but you made 'em happen! I was grinning ear to ear upon seeing how fat and ugly she got too; she looks like an island ape. Sorry honey, but from what I recall, the boy just wanted to have fun and you've rained on his parade; marriage and kids were the last things on his mind. I give 5 years tops.

And you Jensen, now you have two mouths to feed when you were barely hanging there with one. It's not the marriage that's gonna ruin ya; paying child support is what's gonna kill ya unless you get sole custody of Siarrah. And if you have, since you're married now, why can't you get your fat cow to dress your darling daughter better? The girl's wearing the same clothes I've seen years ago.

the saving grace

Once in a while, and unexpectedly -- He makes me want to become better than what I am; and not because he's perfect. But he becomes the saving grace. Thank you, Jae.

time to ditch ugly

or wear a burqa cuz of the girl staring back in the mirror.

Aaron Brown: And how is the crew holding up?

Suzanne Carbonal: Oh, they're nervous, Aaron. Yes. A few have suggested, for my own safety, I put on a burqa. You know, the traditional full head covering. [gestures downwards across her face]

Aaron Brown: Perhaps for our viewers' safety as well.

Suzanne Carbonal: What do you mean, Aaron?

Aaron Brown: Nothing. We'll be right back.

that kiss

There's nothing like a soft kiss from the wind.

After the rain
You can look to the sky again
The clouds will give way
To the light of the sun
After the rain
You know that you've made it through
And you'll finally see the joy from the pain
After the rain

aha! yo shit does stink!

Calling Korea: five dollars.

Eavesdropping on 막내 이모 reducing Ma to tears: P-R-I-C-E-L-E-S-S!

이모: Only you would stir shit like blah blah blah! I'm 억세다?

-- more shredding --

Ma: Well, after I saw your husband during the funeral, he seemed to confirm my suspicisions that he thought the same!

Meow! I'd send my aunt a thank-you card, saying: "Finally, I wasn't only one who thought this woman was XYZ!" But, I know word gets around and auntie would bring it up in her face that even her own daughter thinks she's XYZ. So, I'm gonna let the bitches duke it out. I'm just glad that I'm not the only one mom deflects on, making 'em feel like shit.

rankism saved my life

Forget "mum"; "rankism" is the word! Certainly, coming up with a name doesn't lead to salvation. However, there is power in finally articulating what I thought that only affected me; realizing that I'm not the only one who feels that it doesn't neatly fit into sexism or racism; and that feeling your dignity is being stripped away is no exaggeration.

I feel liberated! I no longer feel confused about my feelings; I now know that I am not overreacting to oppression, and I can call it when I see it! Validation is a powerful, powerful, and powerful thing; I am hopeful -- not because I have rose-colored glasses; but because unlike before, this seems somewhat manageable. I feel that there is room for improvement; still a chance for things to get better for me. Though this may sound trite, I want to live life to its fullest. Ya hear that, world? I wanna live!

got gills?

Here's the thing: I have yet to find any motivation or reason to go on; I've tried re-reading my declaration to volunteer for Camp Discovery. But, the elation of helping others won't last long; eventually I'll get depressed, being surrounded by so many ill kids who have very little hope. Bottom line is that I'm not at where I wanted to be; those wonderful dreams, but even sinking the titanic took 10 years in the making. Yes, it's been a slow and agonizing process but since it was such a grand and immaculate dream, it can still milk tears and gnashing. Of course, there's a possibility that I can swim to surface. But, as of now, as of today, I'm stuck in this underworld with so much weight strapped to my feet. So when I hear about rich people wanting to kill themselves, I wanna slap 'em silly while yelling intermittenly, "At least ya have money!" What? Money isn't great as family or friends? How dare you! Those same bastards you put your trust in, will turn on you, you idiot! Why on earth would you want to invest in humans? They're capable of breaking your heart, kicking ya to the curb, and dancing on your grave. So tell me again -- what's so great about these creatures? Ya know, even God doesn't wanna live here! If we're lucky, we get to die young; I've prayed for a quick and painless death ASAP, but that has yet to be granted. So, that leaves me with at least 30 years until I take my last shit. Here's where my motivation rekindles: Instead of waiting for Death to come and find me, I'm gonna tidy up for a while; take care of some loose ends. That would include finishing up school. Ya see, I saw my old summer school ID card sticking out of my wallet today. It reminded me of how nobody believed in me; everyone questioned me for wanting to study at this school. Many thought that I was wasting my money. Well, F you. I'll get my bachelor's and as soon as I'm eligible, I'm gonna study to be an Enrolled Agent -- IRS never looked so good. And ripped boxers waving at you as you walk along 25th (I think) between 6th & 7th ave -- No matter how depressed you are, when sexiness flashes you a smile, you turn into sap -- maple syrup, that is. So, now I want more of that pootie even though pootie won't love me; I'll die happy watching so much pootie. In short, I'm chasing after pootie bait and that's why I'm swimming.