Here's the thing: I have yet to find any motivation or reason to go on; I've tried re-reading my declaration to volunteer for Camp Discovery. But, the elation of helping others won't last long; eventually I'll get depressed, being surrounded by so many ill kids who have very little hope. Bottom line is that I'm not at where I wanted to be; those wonderful dreams, but even sinking the titanic took 10 years in the making. Yes, it's been a slow and agonizing process but since it was such a grand and immaculate dream, it can still milk tears and gnashing. Of course, there's a possibility that I can swim to surface. But, as of now, as of today, I'm stuck in this underworld with so much weight strapped to my feet. So when I hear about rich people wanting to kill themselves, I wanna slap 'em silly while yelling intermittenly, "At least ya have money!" What? Money isn't great as family or friends? How dare you! Those same bastards you put your trust in, will turn on you, you idiot! Why on earth would you want to invest in humans? They're capable of breaking your heart, kicking ya to the curb, and dancing on your grave. So tell me again -- what's so great about these creatures? Ya know, even God doesn't wanna live here! If we're lucky, we get to die young; I've prayed for a quick and painless death ASAP, but that has yet to be granted. So, that leaves me with at least 30 years until I take my last shit. Here's where my motivation rekindles: Instead of waiting for Death to come and find me, I'm gonna tidy up for a while; take care of some loose ends. That would include finishing up school. Ya see, I saw my old summer school ID card sticking out of my wallet today. It reminded me of how nobody believed in me; everyone questioned me for wanting to study at this school. Many thought that I was wasting my money. Well, F you. I'll get my bachelor's and as soon as I'm eligible, I'm gonna study to be an Enrolled Agent -- IRS never looked so good. And ripped boxers waving at you as you walk along 25th (I think) between 6th & 7th ave -- No matter how depressed you are, when sexiness flashes you a smile, you turn into sap -- maple syrup, that is. So, now I want more of that pootie even though pootie won't love me; I'll die happy watching so much pootie. In short, I'm chasing after pootie bait and that's why I'm swimming.
Friday, August 04, 2006
got gills?
Here's the thing: I have yet to find any motivation or reason to go on; I've tried re-reading my declaration to volunteer for Camp Discovery. But, the elation of helping others won't last long; eventually I'll get depressed, being surrounded by so many ill kids who have very little hope. Bottom line is that I'm not at where I wanted to be; those wonderful dreams, but even sinking the titanic took 10 years in the making. Yes, it's been a slow and agonizing process but since it was such a grand and immaculate dream, it can still milk tears and gnashing. Of course, there's a possibility that I can swim to surface. But, as of now, as of today, I'm stuck in this underworld with so much weight strapped to my feet. So when I hear about rich people wanting to kill themselves, I wanna slap 'em silly while yelling intermittenly, "At least ya have money!" What? Money isn't great as family or friends? How dare you! Those same bastards you put your trust in, will turn on you, you idiot! Why on earth would you want to invest in humans? They're capable of breaking your heart, kicking ya to the curb, and dancing on your grave. So tell me again -- what's so great about these creatures? Ya know, even God doesn't wanna live here! If we're lucky, we get to die young; I've prayed for a quick and painless death ASAP, but that has yet to be granted. So, that leaves me with at least 30 years until I take my last shit. Here's where my motivation rekindles: Instead of waiting for Death to come and find me, I'm gonna tidy up for a while; take care of some loose ends. That would include finishing up school. Ya see, I saw my old summer school ID card sticking out of my wallet today. It reminded me of how nobody believed in me; everyone questioned me for wanting to study at this school. Many thought that I was wasting my money. Well, F you. I'll get my bachelor's and as soon as I'm eligible, I'm gonna study to be an Enrolled Agent -- IRS never looked so good. And ripped boxers waving at you as you walk along 25th (I think) between 6th & 7th ave -- No matter how depressed you are, when sexiness flashes you a smile, you turn into sap -- maple syrup, that is. So, now I want more of that pootie even though pootie won't love me; I'll die happy watching so much pootie. In short, I'm chasing after pootie bait and that's why I'm swimming.
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